Newsflash. There is a lot going through my mind right now. Anyone astonished? Yeah. Me neither. A lot has happened, but to the watching outside world, my life is still as ordinary and uneventful as ever. Lumber Jack and Jill was this weekend up at Camp Barakel, and also my first time being up there for this event. I was so excited/nervous to see people from the summer (and it didn't even matter seeing as I hung out with only a few of the same people). I wanted to leave as soon as I got there, I wanted to be back in my safe zone, back where I know I am safe and comfortable. But now that I am home once again, I am glad that I went. Everyone accomplished quite a lot of work around that camp, and it was fun to visit and socialize a bit with some of my acquaintances from summers past.
My heart belongs within the pink tree tape of the blessed place I have come to call my second home, and I wouldn't have it any other way. If it were possible, I would give up all of my time to work and serve there. If only...
Also there, I found my heart and mind in conflict with one another. Stuck at a crossroads where I haven't the slightest idea where to go or which direction to turn. This is one of those times I would very much like to try the whole "put your fleece outside" thing, or maybe God will illuminate the sky with my answer. Why doesn't he do that anymore like He did with people in the Bible? I'm pretty sure the world wasn't much different back then than it is now (minus a few small technology differences), but God also respond like He did. I've always wondered at that and wished he would speak up. Oh, I understand how we make choices and have to live with the consequences, but...I'm merely saying that it would be nice to get His input. Physically see it or audibly hear it. I desperately need God's help and His advice. My soul desire is to curl up into his hands and feel Him hold me. To feel the folds of His robe envelope me and shield me from the darkness that has come more often than not. He is the God of comfort, a shelter in our time of need. Well? God? I am in a time of need...
I talked with a dear, dear friend about the movie/book "Eat Pray Love" (which is one of my favorite movies now, and will shortly make its way to my movie shelf (that I am proud to say has expanded to 2 shelves now!)) and started to formulate an idea of how to go about my own "self-finding" adventure. I can't do it at home, for there is no where to escape to and just...be...
I realize I can't take off a whole year and travel to Italy, Rome, India, and Bali, like Julia Roberts did in the movie, but there HAS to be a place I can go for a month or so to do nothing (and I mean nothing) but soul search and be with God. Any ideas? I'd love to hear. I'm serious. (And by the way I am waiting with bated breath for the first issue of my "Budget Traveler" magazine! :])
3 weeks left in my internship. Here is where the dirty details come into place and I will start to be tested on all of my observation skills. Teaching classes, poking fingers for lipid tests, conducting GXTs, presenting my case study, you name it. I am ready for it to be done. Really ready. But am I ready to apply to numerous hospitals and rehab programs and cardiologist offices? I guess so. Time moves with no consideration to us. I brought home a list of rehab clinics around Michigan and I plan to apply to each and every one, no matter the distance (I found one in Ireland. Can I go there? I vote yes).
Once again I look out at the 7 days before me, and I know that in 7 days I will look back in astonishment at how they are gone just like that. So how will I live this week? How will the world remember me after those 7 days? This week, I choose to live wrapped in my Heavenly Father's arms knowing I am covered by His blood. For now, that is all I can do. To be honest? I feel positively weak emotionally and mentally. It's nice to lean back and rest my head against His chest. There's nothing else quite like it.
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